When I was a wee kitten, I came to a realization: you humans exist to provide me with entertainment. I intend to use this space occasionally to comment on some of your more amusing follies. I call this feature "Couch Czar Stupid", and this is my first post.
A few years back one of my humans was regularly getting spams advertising a "Paris Hilton Sex Party Video". Pop-culturally oblivious as he is, for the longest time he assumed this referred to an orgy at a hotel in the French capital. It was only quite a bit later that he learned, no, there is an actual person called Paris Hilton (who is in fact a member of the family that started the hotel chain).
Really, he didn't mind not knowing. He'd have been quite happy to live out his life never having heard of her. He didn't really need to know that there exists this spoiled rich brat who has now been convicted of driving with a suspended license, after a previous conviction for impaired driving, and sentenced to a 45-day jail term.
The Couch Czar Stupid part is this: There are some humans who feel that their "mundane lives" would be massively incomplete without Paris -- even for a few weeks -- that she provides them with hope and beauty and excitement, and have got up a petition for clemency to California Governor Schwarzenegger, to grant poor Paris a Get Out Of Jail Free card. When it comes to celebs and their fans, you can't make this stuff up. Anyone who needs Party Girl Hilton to give their lives meaning desperately needs to try this. Or even just chase spiders. Really.
Fortunately, not all you humans have gone mad (fortunately for you that is -- I wouldn't care so long as you keep feeding me), and there is also now a counter-petition, asking the Governator to stay out of it. However there is an even better reply to Hilton's silliness: inspired by the circumstances surrounding her legal misadventures, the same sculptor who previously brought us controversial depictions of Hillary Clinton and Britney Spears has now created Paris Hilton Autopsy. It depicts Hilton as a naked cadaver, laid out for post-mortem exam on the coroner's table, still clutching a cellphone and champagne glass. The sculpture even comes apart to reveal internal organs, and is accompanied by an anti-drunk-driving campaign.
At last: something useful comes from Paris Hilton's life.